Design my life

I tend to find myself thinking in circles quite a bit. Usually after watching several youtube videos. Here are a few examples of my thought spirals.

The youtuber, Janell Kristina was talking about 50 things she stoped buying or using as a result of being minimalist and she mentioned that she no longer shops for her “fantasy self.” I started to read the comments and a lot of the comments were asking what I was thinking, “who is the fantasy self?” I watched the follow up video “Is your fantasy self toxic?” You can watch it and draw your own conclusions but from what I gather she isn’t referring to the aspirational self or ideal self but the person you wished you were or used to be. The person you see your self as due to a lack of unconditional positive regard. The examples given we things like people who want to be considered healthy so they buy exercise equipment and work out clothes but never actually work out. Individuals who think that having kitchen gadgets makes them cooks or foodies, buying a Vitamix or a KitchenAid Mixer. She also used her grandfather as an example, he buys the newest technology in order to feel young and in the know.

After watching this I started to think about how this applies to me and how I have spent countless dollars to curate an image of someone I am truly not. I have a large tote bag of knitting supplies that I bought because I was going to learn how to knit. I don’t think I made anything more than a coaster. Over the years I have bought dozens of handbags. I deemed it the perfect accessory. I tend to buy a new bag for whatever hobby I have recently taken up. I have specialty bags for my cameras, computers, roller derby gear, weekender bags. You can even see this behavior evident in the types of cars I like. There is a distinct image attached. I tend to drift toward vehicles like Subaru, and Jeep. These brands are selling a lifestyle and not just transportation. There are a situations in my life that are evident of me looking for the fantasy self.

I knew this, but was unable to put it into words so succinctly. I was exploring hobbies and items in a effort to define self, aspirational or other wise. Its strange to try to separate the fantasy from my ideal from the current self.

Fantasy self

I have several versions of this person

1. Outdoorsy type who dresses like a model from a Columbia, Patagonia, Half-Moon Outfitters catalog, with the occasional dress from Terry Cycling. A landscape photography enthusiast who is an author. When I am not traveling, I am writing my next best seller. I am naturally a minimalist due to constant jet-setting and lead a fairly healthy life.
2. A holistic person living on an island somewhere with a jungle or in the mountains leading yoga retreats. Looking for new ways to use my ever growing collection of essential oils. Reading tarot and astrology charts for fun. Lounging somewhere scenic listening to nature. A life of stretchy clothes.
3. An academic! PhD in Psychology or Counselor Education. An expert in human behavior where I am giving lectures about my dissertation traveling about 25% of the year. Spend my spare time perfecting my street photography. I wear what I want cause I have TENURE. I have access to ALL THE BOOKS!!!!

All of these versions are debt free and make enough money to live comfortably.

I have always had a clear picture these versions of myself and on occasion I have purchased items to support these people and not the person I am today. At one point I was considering pursuing a PhD. Just to say I did it. These lifestyles are beyond my reach fo a variety of reasons. Which lead me to another video, MonderHealthMonk’s “How to design your life.” He mentioned have three goals per year and have three habits per goal. I decided to find an empty white board a work and start figuring out my goals.

Wait, who am I trying to be this week? Is it the outdoor person, the wanna be hippie, or the academic?

Ideal self

What is realistically possible given my current situation?

My ideal self controls my own time when I work, no clocking in or out. When not writing, giving workshops, or seeing clients, I am DOING (not planning for) any one of my no more than three hobbies (photography, yoga, writing). I can do what I want with in reason as I do not have any debt. I am able to be authentic when I tell my clients to take care of themselves as I do the same daily.

Now how do I get here? I identified a few categories that I would like to work on to get to this point. I have already mentioned my career, debt, and writing (this blog) in previous posts. I also need to limit my hobby turnover and get my mental and physical game in order.

Design

Apparently this all comes down to habits. What can I do every day to led me toward my goal? Here is a list of daily habits that I am going to start tracking.

• 30 mins Yoga
• 15 mins Meditation
• 15 mins Blog maintenance
• 30+ mins Writing
• 30+ mins Reading or listening to audiobooks

Should I start one at a time and add another each one becomes a habit or just do as much as I can each day and hope for the best?