I was thinking about switching back to pen and paper for journaling. I currently use a Supernote nomad. To use ink is to bleed all of the emotions and feelings onto paper. Staining it with dreams desires and your inner world. Should we use red ink?

Wednesday 04.29.26 I like lurking in the dark The world is asleep You can’t see me I can’t see you Sounds are magnified by the absence of others Thoughts are flowing because there are no requests There are no judges in the dark

This post was written two years ago. I am not sure why it never got posted. The transition of money in and out of my life has become a daily topic of discussion in my life and in my home. In my unintended sabbatical, I paid off all of my debt except the mortgage, created a six month emergency fund, bought a car without financing, and have set up my R-IRA to be maxed out without me thinking about it. I thought that once I conquered the mountain that was student loan debt, the stress would be gone. It’s not. Despite having achieved so much financially, I seriously feel that I should be doing more. My son has more money than some adults I know and I am losing sleep trying to think of ways to create another income stream. What I want is financial freedom. The ability to choose Read more…

I wrote the following post sometime last year. Nothing has changed here it. I will be going through all of the drafts from when I abandoned this blog and posting them. Here is the first one. Did you get what you wanted? Noticing the beauty in random places is a skill that I thought I had figured out. I don’t. I am at odds; I have a great life that anyone would be envious of, but I find it lacking. This isn’t the life I envisioned for myself. In all honesty, I thought I would have ended up a single writer or climbing some form of a corporate ladder. Living in a city of course. Married living in suburbia with a kid was not on my bingo card. Neither was owning my own business. I have no way of knowing if what I thought should have happened would be a Read more…

It is the end of what I thought was going to be a long day. I fully intended to post little updates to twitter. It wasn’t that bad: I got a really nice dinner yesterday, and a thoughtful present from my colleagues. Yesterday felt like I was spiraling. My annual crisis reared its ugly head. This year’s thought was “What is going to be on my obituary?” My husband did his best to not roll his eyes at me but I interpreted his long drawn out breath as the same gesture. He is convinced that I am torturing myself, because he doesn’t think like this. Here is how I got here. This week I reached a career milestone. I completed my consultation hours for the trauma protocol that I will be certified in (see below for an explanation). Which lead me to consider what is next for me after I Read more…

Indecision One my biggest challenges in life has always been indecision. Whether it is a symptom of a larger issue or not it can feel like I’m drowning. The primary reason that I don’t write is choosing something to write about. I am staring at the cursor and …. The words either go away or lose their order. I have attempted to write a post at least three times. If I think about it too long my world feels very small. Extremely insignificant. When it gets overwhelming I redirect with distraction. I have to find something else to do or the FOMO kicks in. The feeling that I am missing some opportunity or experience by not focusing on producing. At this very moment, dragging these words out, is almost painful. Distraction When I try to do almost anything — besides sitting across from someone in a session — I get Read more…

Last summer I bought a car. I was so proud of myself because I paid for a mostly new car in cash. It was exciting. Because I bought the car during the shit storm we referred to as 2020, public services were often delayed. The temporary tag expired and no one could tell me when my plate was going to come in. I call the dealership panicky. They said all plates were delayed and I shouldn’t worry. I immediately thought “I’m black, considerations for public crisis don’t apply to me!! What if I get pulled over? What if they think I stole my car?” I made a very big deal about having an expired plate until I was given a dealer plate. Next, I applied for a veteran plate. I thought this plate on my plain car would make me less of a target for the rouge officer trying to Read more…

I, like most people these days, am struggling to figure out a work out routine. With gyms closed or requiring mask wearing it gets even trickier to figure out. I have been doing this dance for a while now. Some months going to the gym 5 times a week. Some months going on 20 mile bike rides 3 times a week. I always have a few months then something happens. One year I ate some bad food and contracted strep. The following week my son had a week long fever. Last year I was riding more and doing less strength. I would continue with my yoga practice when I remembered. In the infamous year of 2020 we lost access to our gyms. I changed jobs and was unable to ride as much as I used to. I was riding 10+ miles a few days a week during lunch where I Read more…

During the early years of my life reading was the only way for me to run away. When I needed to disappear, I would find a book. Reading for me was so magical. I could spend an afternoon on another planet, in another state, in worlds full of magic. I have always loved stories. I only remember one year of my life that I couldn’t not read. I could read and write my name in cursive at the age of four. I wasn’t usually without a book. I eventually wondered if I could write my own stories. Would anyone read them? As I got older I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough to write my own stories. So whenever I would try my mind would go blank. What could I possibly write about that hasn’t been done before, or worse better. I avoided failing so much that I NEVER Read more…

There are things that I want to do and things that I need to do. These things often compete with the things that I should do. For instance I need to finish my notes. Client interactions are not going to document themselves. I would like to spend an hour at a time working on learning Spanish. I should just suck it up and buy a new computer because my 2012 MacBook Pro can barely keep up with me typing.  I find the weirdest thought inspiration to write. I encounter so many interesting and confusing people daily and I am not allowed to talk about them. Because of this I don’t spend much time being an interesting person. I have books that I want to read but that conflicts with the chores I need to do. The cat isn’t going to pick up her poop off of the rug. She is Read more…