Last moments before 40

I am turning 40 in February. I am doing my best to appear stoic, but on the inside there is a full on freak out going on.

The time line that everyone tells me to ignore is screaming.

What would be a reasonable definition for success?

I have come to the realization that this definition should be less Instagram and Facebook and more current status of mental, physical, and financial stability.

Mental

My mental health is directly tied to whether or not I have purpose. I have a career and family. Yes, I have purpose. I am relieved that I enjoy what I do and do not dread going to work. I have specialized but have not finished a certification that I was working on. At one point I wanted my own practice and now I want to focus on other income streams that DO NOT require employees. I don’t want to sound cliche but somedays parenting feels harder than being deployed in a war zone.

Physical

My physical health is tricky. I have some chronic conditions that make life difficult. My structural issues are flat feet and scoliosis. Random pain, if my workouts aren’t consistent, are annoying. At this point in life I have back pain. I always have back pain. My knees creak. My shoulders are so tense that occasionally my fingers tingle. I feel like an old car that is more expensive to repair than replace.

Financial

My financial situation is ok but could be better. Over the past year I have noticed that I have been really loose in the purse strings. I have a lot of new stuff floating around here. The pile under the Christmas tree is pretty big. Living in a world where my only debt is my mortgage is freeing but not the end. I am suppose to still have my head down, either paying off my mortgage or stacking cash for retirement.

Because this list isn’t sitting at “Everything is perfect!!” I am not ready to say that the first 40 years ended like I wanted them too.