Month: April 2021

Indecision One my biggest challenges in life has always been indecision. Whether it is a symptom of a larger issue or not it can feel like I’m drowning. The primary reason that I don’t write is choosing something to write about. I am staring at the cursor and …. The words either go away or lose their order. I have attempted to write a post at least three times. If I think about it too long my world feels very small. Extremely insignificant. When it gets overwhelming I redirect with distraction. I have to find something else to do or the FOMO kicks in. The feeling that I am missing some opportunity or experience by not focusing on producing. At this very moment, dragging these words out, is almost painful. Distraction When I try to do almost anything — besides sitting across from someone in a session — I get Read more…

Last summer I bought a car. I was so proud of myself because I paid for a mostly new car in cash. It was exciting. Because I bought the car during the shit storm we referred to as 2020, public services were often delayed. The temporary tag expired and no one could tell me when my plate was going to come in. I call the dealership panicky. They said all plates were delayed and I shouldn’t worry. I immediately thought “I’m black, considerations for public crisis don’t apply to me!! What if I get pulled over? What if they think I stole my car?” I made a very big deal about having an expired plate until I was given a dealer plate. Next, I applied for a veteran plate. I thought this plate on my plain car would make me less of a target for the rouge officer trying to Read more…

I, like most people these days, am struggling to figure out a work out routine. With gyms closed or requiring mask wearing it gets even trickier to figure out. I have been doing this dance for a while now. Some months going to the gym 5 times a week. Some months going on 20 mile bike rides 3 times a week. I always have a few months then something happens. One year I ate some bad food and contracted strep. The following week my son had a week long fever. Last year I was riding more and doing less strength. I would continue with my yoga practice when I remembered. In the infamous year of 2020 we lost access to our gyms. I changed jobs and was unable to ride as much as I used to. I was riding 10+ miles a few days a week during lunch where I Read more…

During the early years of my life reading was the only way for me to run away. When I needed to disappear, I would find a book. Reading for me was so magical. I could spend an afternoon on another planet, in another state, in worlds full of magic. I have always loved stories. I only remember one year of my life that I couldn’t not read. I could read and write my name in cursive at the age of four. I wasn’t usually without a book. I eventually wondered if I could write my own stories. Would anyone read them? As I got older I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough to write my own stories. So whenever I would try my mind would go blank. What could I possibly write about that hasn’t been done before, or worse better. I avoided failing so much that I NEVER Read more…